idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
