Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize