Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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