I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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