Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
