I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
