I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Found the puke drawer
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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