My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
