Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
