He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
