Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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