Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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