I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
