Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
