I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
