upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
