Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
