dude i'm inner monologue high
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
