Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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