I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
