____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize