Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize