I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
