She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
