and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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