the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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