are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
