Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
