I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The power of my boobs compel you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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