She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize