Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
