I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
