i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
