Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
