I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
