so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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