I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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