FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
