I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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