apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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