Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
