I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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