y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
