I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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