NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
