im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
