drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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