Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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