problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
