please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
