My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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