My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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