all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
