he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
