The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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