I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
