Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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