When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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