All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Green mimosas i think yes
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
