dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
