why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
