This is not my ceiling
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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