just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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