So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
