apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
