My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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