Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
