In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
