i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
