It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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